One day a about October, 2008 I was told that I had acid reflux and would need an endoscope procedure to see if my stomach acid is causing me any ulcers. Well, they schedule me an appointment and I showed up. This is was the being of my troubles. Why, because I brought my wife with me. See, I needed a ride home. Guys, get a friend to do this not your wife.
My wife knew when I was going through Combat Lifesaver class in the Army, we had to give each other IV’s to learn how to give them to people. After the fifth IV I felt a little dizzy, and sick to my stomach. I made the mistake of telling my wife this, and she remembered this a little differently than I do. Years later, I’m in the hospital waiting room where I’m going to get my endoscope done. An 85 year old hospital volunteer came to get me. When my wife went to come with me she told her that she had to wait until they get me in bed with my IV. My wife says, “I have to come because he is scared of IV’s”.
I told her, “I’m not scared of them! I just got sick after my fifth IV in a row”. Now, all the way back I have this 85 year old grandma patting my hand tell me it’s OK, and not to be afraid. She then tells the nurses that I’m afraid of IV’s. I speak up and tell the nurse about what happened when I was in the Army Combat Lifesaver class. When another nurse came in and the first nurse said, “He might feel sick, but that was after him and his friend kept giving each other IV’s”. Now I have this Nurse looking at me like I’m a nut case that I would just sit around with friends giving each other IV’s. I speak up and told her about the Lifesaver class, and she said, “Oh I see”. I told the other nurse if was going to tell the story, please tell people the entire story.
I had nurse # three coming in and ask me if I know what was happening? I told her yes, you’re going to roofie me and shove something inside of me. She laughed and said, “Where are we going to put it, because we have two placed to put a scope”. I said, “If you’re going to put it there also then please put it in my mouth first. I just don’t want to wake up with a bad taste in my mouth”. I told her it was going to go down my throat and she was happy and walked away. The surgeon walked in and asked, “Jim, do you know what going to happen”? I replied, “Yup, you’re going to roofie me and put something long down my throat”. He got upset and explained it in medical terms. I said, “That’s what I said, but it sounds less gay when you say it”.
When the surgeon walks away and one of the nurses tell me I should upset the man that going to do the endoscope, because I might wake up with a bad taste in my mouth. I said, “Oh yea, good idea”. So the anesthesiologist came in and told me how it was going to go, and the medicine they give me is amnesia medicine. Don’t be worried if you don’t remember people, or even the trip home. I ask her, if I’m not going to remember, tell my wife, because I’m not going to remember this. My wife finally came back to see me and I told her what’s been going on. My wife shook her head, and I reminded it was her fault for telling that I was afraid of IV’s when I’m not.
After the endoscope I woke up and they got my wife to come back. I look at my wife and said, “Who are you? Quick before the medicine wears off lets have sex. This way I can have sex with a strange woman and not be cheating.” Then before I left they once again tell not to worry if I don’t remember the ride home because the medicine is still working in my system. I looked at the nurse and said, “What did you say”? So she repeated it, and once again I said, “What”? The nurse then said, “your will tell you once you get home and can remember”. She did tell me that I was one of the most fun patients they have ever had. You would think my wife learned her lesson after this, but NOOOOO!!!
To be continued…..
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